iftheycared

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PRIORITY 01

▶ LIVE — DEVELOPING

>> Parody · 20:19:00 · UNVERIFIED

FCC Denies Space Mirror Satellite, Stuns Nation by Reading the Part of Its Job Description About "Public Interest"

A proposed "space mirror" satellite meant to beam sunlight onto targeted swaths of Earth and turn night into day has been denied approval by the U.S. Federal Communications Commission — after the agency concluded, in what

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PRIORITY 2

» Environment

Trump Administration Stuns Nation by Reading a Report, Launches Offshore Wind Expansion After Discovering Electricity Comes From Somewhere

In what historians are already calling "the bare minimum, but done spectacularly late," President Donald Trump's administration has

PRIORITY 3

» News

Senate Accidentally Does Its Job, Protects Boundary Waters From Foreign Mining Company's Grand Plans to Ruin Everything

WASHINGTON — Hold onto your canoe paddles, America, because in a development that has left political observers rubbing their eyes in disbelief, the